Why Jesus?
I believe because, after experiencing profound darkness and loss, I called out to Jesus in my brokenness, and He transformed my life, guiding me onto a new path and continually correcting me, demonstrating that no matter how far one strays, He listens, heals, and forgives.
My Story
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I want to share my personal testimony. I grew up in a Christian home, became a believer at a very young age, and was baptized. However, I also rebelled early on, getting involved in fornication, drugs, and violence as a tween. These things dominated my teenage years. In my early twenties, after the birth of my first child, I returned to the Lord and began working in ministries.
Along the way, I lost sight of the Lord, experienced burnout, and faced numerous instances of church hurt. I walked away from the church, trying to hold on to Jesus on my own. That didn’t last. Although I never denied my faith, my life didn’t reflect it. After nearly a decade of increasing darkness, I realized the Lord's presence was completely absent from my life. I woke up one morning as someone I never thought I would become, trapped in the worst darkness I had ever experienced, unable to find a way out. I had compromised every value, broken every promise, and lived in disbelief at my own actions.
I thought I was beyond repair, but then came a turning point. The Lord impressed upon me (not through revelation, so please don’t get caught up in theological debates) that I had built a nice, orderly carrot patch, but I was meant to be a potato field. He proceeded to dismantle everything I had built: my family, career, friends, finances, dreams, ambitions, and goals—all gone. My life, built on sand, washed away, leaving wreckage strewn across the beach. That’s when I was finally broken. My pride, arrogance, and ego were crushed. Standing outside, I looked up and said, "I've been calling on you my whole life. I've seen lives changed because of you, but inside, I have never changed. If you're real, if you change evil people, if you heal the broken, please wait no longer—change me. Jesus, if you're real, please change me." That day, He did.
I don’t know if I was saved as a child or when I gave my heart to Him in my twenties, but I know I was changed when I was broken and called out to Him. Since that day, I have known the Lord and watched Him slowly change me. He has given me a new path. There are still many bumps in the road when the old me resurfaces, but the Lord corrects me and will continue to do so.
I write this not for my sake—I know who saved me and what it has meant—but for those who have tried church and still never gotten it, for those who have tried and walked away, and for those who think they deconstructed their faith. There are many paths that sway us and seem appealing for a while, and some of us stray far from the narrow path. But no matter how dark or how far away you get, you can call out to Him when you're ready. He is listening, and He still heals and forgives.